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“Hi” was all I could think to say. It may have
come out “Meow,” I’m not sure. All I knew was he had materialized out
of nowhere, a beautiful Bat-entrance when my head had filled up with so many
irrelevant nothings since sunrise I nearly forgot… “Do you want the short
version or the long one?” I heard myself asking. “Later.”
He looked me up and down, and then took a breath like
he’d forgotten how for a second.
Or maybe that was me. Somehow there was air in
my chest again.
“Look,” he said. His arms were around
mine and his eyes were—Oh hell, I don’t know, so
blue and so
Batman all
of a sudden, while his voice was that soft lilt I didn’t hear until years
later. “We’re going to go out there and recite vows, and I have
something picked out, but right now while it’s just us, I want to say this. “From the very first night you saw through the
mask. You saw me,
a me that even I haven’t always understood. And I look into those eyes
now—masks, no masks, they’re the same—and they always will be. The
parts of us that are connected… Are. WE are. It’s
Just.
Us.
“We both invented ourselves. Most people want
to but not many can. Most aren’t brave enough. Early on, we
discovered something about ourselves, something deep. And we didn’t
run from it; we leaned into it. We let it lead us, shape us… And
that’s what brought us to each other, because that’s how it works.
“This one temple dojo, there was a monk.
We didn’t exchange more than ten words in all the time I was there, until
this one day shortly before I left. He said he was like me, the
training came easy, the discipline, self-denial… But the one thing it took
him the longest to understand: it’s in the path of our happiness that we
find the learning for which we’ve chosen this lifetime. And if we
don’t pursue happiness,
the Universe has to adapt and put the happiness in
the path of our learning.
“I didn’t understand then, but I see it so clearly in
us. The parts of us that they all see and the parts they never will,
we’re meant to complete each other.” All I know of the next seconds is he lifted my hand
to his lips, he said he would see me out there, and he… basically… did a
Bat-vanish. It never occurred to me to tell him about the
newspaper.
The room Martha Wayne nicknamed ‘the chapel’ (for the
god light that poured from the high windows in late morning and not for the
sculpture of Michael the Archangel some 19th Century, globetrotting Wayne
brought back from his grand tour) was covered in flowers. Lily of the
valley signifying a return of happiness and hyacinth symbolizing constancy
in love were interspersed with roses because they were roses, and
honeysuckle because they smelled nice. Clark deposited Bruce on his mark and then scanned
the crowd, the walls, the caves beneath and the grounds for a half-mile in
every direction. With no sign of the menace lurking behind that headline,
he gave Superman a moment off and watched Lois begin the short parade down
the aisle.
She was so beautiful, and he thought of when he stood
where Bruce was now, that strange, blank, otherworldly numbness… He looked
at his friend in concern, and yep, Batman had left the building. The
ordinary human who could stand toe to toe with gods was simply… reduced.
He breathed, he blinked, and he faced the end of a long white aisle knowing
something he set in motion was about to happen, and that was about it.
“You got this,” Clark whispered, and offered a manly
clap on the shoulder before he withdrew. Anna was next. She seemed like a nice woman,
doing her best after the ordeal she’d suffered. She’d reacted like a
normal person compared to these Gothamites, and that was something Clark
appreciated. He smiled at her as she reached the altar. She
smiled back (quite a radiant smile for one who wasn’t the bride), nodded at
Bruce, and then stepped aside... Jim Gordon looked briefly at Edward Nigma and the
woman beside him. Happy as he was for Bruce, it was unfortunate what
Selina brought in her wake. Still, the little pest was at Barbara’s
wedding and did no harm. At least the new girlfriend was no Harley
Quinn. In the alcove just outside the chapel, Selina looked
to the ceiling—and thought for a moment of that portrait of Thomas and
Martha hanging in the study. “Thank you” she mouthed to the heavens
before clasping Matt Hagen’s arm. The music trickled to a halt, and
all eyes turned… Jason Blood smiled, checking her aura and
seeing no sign of shadow-sapience. He was never worried about Clayface
or Etrigan, but there was something
that day in the library. Something that was certainly not Etrigan; he
knew every nuance of that demon’s appetites. But this, this was… not
familiar. And whatever it was… Jason looked around suddenly at the
guests… Yes, whatever it was, at that moment it had been quite absorbed by
Selina, but it almost seemed… in another sense, it was more intrigued by
them as a couple… Selina walked down the aisle to a special arrangement
of Mariage D'amoure for piano and viola, the latter played by Femi Molokhya
on the Castello Sforza. At first, no one knew the rather distinguished
man escorting her, but of course no socialite would admit such ignorance.
After a moment, Nigma’s eyes gleamed with recognition
and the faintest hint of a smile crossed his lips. “Nice going,
Hagen,” he murmured. Dick turned from Selina’s entrance to watch his
father. “Well done, Bruce. Well done,” he whispered.
Barbara heard, reached for his hand and gave a squeeze. Beside them, Alfred stood a little taller and
breathed a little deeper. He had done it. The world might need a
Batman but that had nothing to do with Master Bruce finding a measure of
happiness in his life, other than intensifying the need for it. He
nodded, his chest swelling with pride as he dared to imagine Doctor and Mrs.
Wayne watching from another plane. “Well done, miss,” was his thought,
eyes riveted on Selina. Tim’s eyes were also glued to Selina because he was
determined not to look at Cassie. It was ridiculous, weddings, girls
and weddings. They put too much pressure on everybody. It was
like Valentine’s Day on steroids. Just because you happened to be in a
relationship, there was like this gravitational force that—He heard the sigh
beside him. And he turned to look at Cassie. Hagen bowed out three quarters of the way down the
aisle as Bruce stepped up, not even registering the man he’d never seen
before or the implications of his presence. He saw only Selina, the
hint of a tear in her eyes, the radiance of her smile visible through the
veil. The veil which his overloaded brain saw as an
allusion to the mask. Could this really be happening? Catwoman. “I always knew you’d be beautiful,” he whispered as
if he was seeing her unmasked face for the first time, and Bishop Geoff
cleared his throat. “Friends,” he said, “We are gathered together in the
sight of God to bless this joining of Selina Kyle and Bruce Wayne.
What makes this such a joyous occasion is Selina and Bruce are reaffirming a
love they have lived for many years now, since I stood not far from here to
wed his son Richard and his lovely wife Barbara. Marriage is not a
ring worn or a paper signed, but a mutual promise to live two lives as one. “I ask you now, in the presence of God and these
people here gathered, to declare your intention to enter into union with one
another.” Selina felt she was smiling too much. She
should tone it down just a little, but neither her mouth nor her eyes would
cooperate as the bishop’s soft voice carried with surprising force to fill
the large room. “Selina, will you have Bruce to be your husband, to
live together in holy marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort
him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others
be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?” “I do,” she pronounced solemnly before the smile
returned. Bruce was focused with an intensity never seen in
Batman, the side of his lip raised almost imperceptibly as if frozen in the
famous lip-twitch. “Bruce, do you take Selina to be your wife, to live
together in holy marriage? Do you promise to love her, comfort her,
honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others be
faithful to her as long as you both shall live?” “I do,” came almost as a sigh of relief, and he
cleared his throat and repeated a bit louder. “I do.” “Let us pray. Eternal God, Creator and
Preserver of all life, Giver of all Grace, bless and sanctify with your Holy
Spirit Bruce and Selina who come now to join in marriage. Grant that
they may give their vows to each other in the strength of your steadfast
love…” Both were smiling wide now, Selina barely able to
hold back a laugh, as their eyes locked in shared, shocked disbelief: They
made it, they were doing it—this ridiculously normal thing—they were getting
away with it and none of these people watching had an inkling...
“Enable them to grow in peace and love with you and
with one another all their days. Amen.” “Amen,” Selina said sincerely. “Amen,” Bruce echoed.
… As if they were normal people. “You may join hands and exchange your vows,” the
bishop said with a subtle gesture, as this is where people often took out an
index card.
Bruce took out a thin volume in weathered leather,
the gilt title “Shakespeare Sonnets” almost completely worn. “Selina, I haven’t always been the best telling you
how I feel. In the beginning especially, I often wound up saying the
exact opposite of what… So I found someone to say it for me.” He
indicated the book and said bashfully, “This was my mother’s,” and then read
formally: “Let me not to the marriage of true minds He paused and took a breath, head swimming, those
green eyes the only point of reference.
“I, Bruce… take you, Selina to be… my
wife,” those two words again infused with
relief, and then something more. Every word after was
claiming
something that had been denied for too long… “To have and to hold, from this
day forward, for better or for worse,” he stumbled over the words, and
Selina laughed as Bishop Geoff prompted him. …Something
sacred and
fundamental to
all humanity, that was denied him… “For richer, for poorer, and in sickness
and in health, um…” Just… finding another person “To love and to cherish,
'til death parts us, and therefore I pledge thee my troth.” The smile was gone. “I, Selina,” she said solemnly, “take thee,
Bruce to be my husband,”
The sincerity was almost painful, and Bruce had to remind himself to
breathe. “To have and to hold,” every word pronounced so clearly, with
such intent “from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for
poorer,” There it was, a hint of a smile—which made him smile—she was the
Selina he knew again. “In sickness, and in health, to love, and
to cherish,” her
voice broke on the word, and that tear was back in her eye. “'til
death parts us, and therefore I pledge thee my troth.” It was nothing but teary smiles now, and would-be
laughs barely held in check on both sides now that they’d got through it. Then the spell was broken as Bishop Geoff said
“You may exchange rings now” and they both became aware of the world,
looking around trying to figure out where
rings were supposed to come from.
There was considerable tittering among the guests as Clark stepped forward
and supplied them. “With this ring, I thee…” Bruce managed, holding it
immobile near the tip of her finger, and then thrusting it forward.
“Wed,” he finished, making Selina laugh at the breakdown of hand-mouth
coordination, which made him laugh too. “With this ring, I thee wed,” she said soberly, and
slid the ring on, lifted his hand curling the fingers into a fist and kissed
the knuckle, a flash of the cat in her eye, making sure he knew that was for
Batman. The smug, satisfied smile of the Catwoman—just for a
moment—the Catwoman victorious… “I now pronounce you man and wife.” …getting away with her prize. “Those that God has joined together, let no one put
asunder.” They kissed unprompted, the music began and the
guests stood and applauded… and the kiss continued while the music
encouraged them to stop, link arms and depart.
Tommy Pearl, the world-class cat burglar identity who
was Bruce’s wedding gift to Selina as well as her gift to him, had equipped
his West Village apartment with a hidden media wall equal to any of the
satellite Batcaves. Beneath the long, horizontal viewscreen, Bruce and
Selina’s phones were docked. Batman’s most powerful data-sorting
algorithms prioritized the photos and video sent to them by Alfred, Clark,
Anna, Eddie, Barbara and Tim over the deluge of material being uploaded to
social media since the reception concluded. The center of the screen
displayed the best images for each segment of the festivities, while the
sides ran a slideshow, montage or video of alternative angles. On the sofa, Bruce and Selina were curled around each
other, watching in a kind of euphoric awe that Selina expressed in giggling
and Bruce in pulling away the sleeve of her peignoir, flicking the thin
strap of her negligee, and nibbling.
“That tickles,” she announced for the third time,
“Husband.” “I know. That’s why I’m doing it. Wife.” On the screen, guests gathered in the south drawing
room while waiters circulated with canapes. “This would have been when? While we were taking
pictures?” Bruce asked suddenly. And then before Selina could answer,
he said “VOX, audio on panel C and expand.” “Oh lord,” Selina laughed and held a hand to her eyes
to mock-cover the sight of Pikhai talking to a rapt Ford Dormont. “Foie gras on gingerbread with Atlantis smoked salt,”
he was saying. “The other, is vegetarian option, is ‘wild mushroom
cappuccino’ a shot of rich soup of porcini, morel and button mushrooms,
topped with truffle foam and porcini dust.” “What the hell, Demon!” Selina half-blurted,
half-cackled. “You don’t know ‘worthy’ and ‘better’ but you’ve got
‘vegetarian option’ and ‘truffle foam’?!” “He is a
strange one,” Bruce graveled, as the image
faded into the society photographer’s formal shots of the receiving line.
Either because the Bat-algorithm weighted facial recognition of Riddler and
Game Theory or because it was one of the most aesthetically pleasing
compositions, the first photo displayed was of Nigma meeting Anna, clasping
her hand in both of his in the slightly blurred foreground while Selina
greeted Doris in sharp focus and Ash Torrick shook hands with Bruce, with
Lucius Fox approaching Clark in soft focus.
“If that’s the signature photograph, it’s going to
wind up the social climbers all over again,” Bruce noted. “Think
Nigma’s told her what to expect?” “They both knew what I was asking with Dormont.
They’ll be fine,” Selina said, pulling Bruce’s hand from her breast and
kissing each knuckle individually.
There were few photos or video from the meal,
other than a few Instagram-style shots of the food, which Bruce narrated
with an impersonation of Pikhai “The Wagyu filet has a glaze of soy sauce
from Sawai-shoyu Honten near Kyoto’s imperial palace which has been making
it for a hundred years, and this I will not to be mangling with my wobbly
English because the Grit One al Ghul has a glossary of anything happening
next to the seat of power in any langua—” His performance was cut off by Selina’s tongue, and a
substantial portion of the slideshow was missed in favor of spirited
love-making. They only subsided—ironically—with the tinkling of
glasses from the viewscreen. They managed to separate just as their
video selves kissed to appease the crowd, and Clark rose to give his toast…
“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please…” Bruce again
called for an adjustment to the volume, and Selina stroked the scars of that
ancient cat scratch on his chest as they listened. “My very good friend,” Clark said from the screen.
“My best friend and long time old buddy, a man I will always respect and
whose respect I will always cherish, got married today to a lovely,
beautiful, exquisite woman who gave him what he needed more than anything in
this world. She challenged him, challenged his preconceptions about
the world. And about himself. She made you a better man, buddy. “And that’s saying something. You are, despite
what some people assume from the ludicrously distorted picture they’re given
in the press, you are the smartest, most generous, most dedicated, and just
generally extraordinary human being I have ever been privileged to know.
I should add the bravest, given the losses you’ve overcome without losing
the will to fight on. Selina, when I say you deserve this man, it is
the highest praise I can offer. And as your loving him made him a
better man, I think I may call you a friend enough to say that his made you
a better woman. “Let me tell you something, folks, this day has been
a long time in coming. But it’s well worth the wait. To Selina
and Bruce.” They danced to
I Have Dreamed,
and by the time the melody was up to the line “How you look in the glow of
evening, I have dreamed and enjoyed the view…” they were, once again, not
watching. Video Bruce and Selina cut the cake… Video Anna
danced with Pikhai… Video Eddie and Doris laughed merrily with Ford and Ash…
Video Lucius raised his glass with Dick, Barbara and the Ashton-Larrabys…
Video Anna danced with Hagen… Tim with Cassie… Eddie with Doris… Gordon felt
a tear threatening as he sat with Barbara, so he abandoned the champagne in
favor of a stiff bourbon… Lois danced with Ash Torrick but was so
patronizing about his conspiracy theories that Clark cut in to save him,
even though Lois would know it meant he was eavesdropping… Video Bruce
and Selina appeared again in traveling clothes… While their warm-blooded counterparts had gone,
leaving only a trail of lace and silk bits on the floor, across the coffee
table, by the wall, and in the doorway to the bedroom.
“Ohhhhhh!” two voices moaned in sync. “Ooooooh”
“Errrrrrlllll” “Ooooooh” and then a broke up into staccato “mmmmMM!
MM-MM-MM-Yes—” and giggling on the one side and a kind of snarling grunt on
the other which also resolved in laughter… … … … … … … “Mr. and Mrs. Bruce Wayne,” Selina purred finally,
stroking a scar, “Is it me, or is it better now that we’re man and wife?” “I think it’s probably the days apart,” Bruce said,
curling an arm possessively around her hip. “God, I missed you.
That empty spot in the bed… And there was a vengeance ghost in Tokyo.
Do you know how long it’s been since I tangled with something like that and
didn’t have you to come home to? Hear ‘Oh woof, I released one of those in
Giza one time, what a mess.’” She laughed. “I never said that.” “Or ‘I remember when Jason sent me to steal the
Scroll of Aken-kotep to evict a murder ghost one time and—’” “I never said that either,” she insisted, laughing
harder, and then “Oh.” Bruce adjusted to read the kaleidoscope of emotion
flashing across her face. “Hey, Mrs. Wayne, what’s wrong?” he asked, concerned. “I guess it doesn’t matter now; we made it to the ‘I
dos,’” she said with a smile. “I just realized I never got to tell
you… any of it. My God, we have a lot to catch up on.” “Well, I know you did more than survive Hagen, you
brought him back from whatever happened,” Bruce said like a Detective whose
brain hasn’t quite restored full operations after Olympic sex but is still
capable of marshalling obvious facts. “Not Hagen,” Selina said, first biting her lip as she
realized the new challenge facing her. Whatever the threat to the
nuptials had been, it failed and that idiotic headline would never appear,
but she now had to tell Bruce that a whole episode came and went affecting
the most important event of their lives and he was completely unaware of it.
“Bruce,” she said as if taking a deep breath before diving into a maelstrom,
“when I sent Clark to get you this morning, it wasn’t about Hagen...” “Wait,” he said. “Selina, I hate to do
this, but this is obviously going to be a bit of a story… in addition to
Hagen, and
whatever happened on Jumby Island, and
I haven’t told you about Tokyo. And Batman has patrol tonight.
Tonight of all nights, I cannot risk not being seen. So rather than
start this big thing we clearly won’t be able to finish, let’s put it off
until I get back, okay?” “Deal,” she said, reasoning that the more time that
passed, the better. After patrol, logs, sleep, sex, more sleep, more
sex and breakfast, he’d be more apt to keep the news in perspective.
Yes, something big happened that Batman didn’t know… … … … … … “…But
everything worked out in the end,” she concluded the belated sitrep.
“‘I now pronounce you man and wife’ and ‘who God joined together, let no one
even think of messing with.’” “The Times?”
Bruce graveled like it was the worst riddle Nigma had ever handed him.
“The Post I could understand, it would be perfectly in character but—” “I think that’s the point exactly: it would be
in character. I’ve had time to think about it, and I think whoever
sent this must have realized if it was the Post, we’d dismiss it without a
thought. With all the shit they make up about us, I mean completely
out of thin air, just think about it: Who would take it seriously? And
if the wedding really
didn’t happen, they wouldn’t have reported anything that simple and
straightforward. It’d be—my God, the mind boggles—It’d be flying
monkeys. A cult of zombie Green Lanterns. Skies red with a hailstorm
of frozen blood from giant vampire bats...” “Whoever sent it,” Bruce repeated. “Yes, that’s
the question. If it was meant as a warning so we could avert
disaster—” “If? What else could it be?” “Anything. A scare tactic, a cry for help, a
threat, just a mean-spirited act of aggression to ruin your day— If it
was the Post, none of that is possible because they have no credibility.
You’d laugh it off: a story in the Gotham Post just like a thousand others.” “But the Times means it happened,” Selina winced,
feeling a victory had been taken from her. If it was a warning so she
could save the wedding, then yes she’d beaten the threat. But if it
was anything else Bruce was suggesting, then they’d won. The thought
crept in like a spider while she cleared the breakfast and began quietly
weaving its web while Bruce put on a robe on to collect the newspaper from
the door: That headline had set the tone for her day, it had kept her from
experiencing the joyful excitement the morning of her wedding should bring,
it kept her focus from Bruce and their future and buried it in worry and dread. “So we’re back to who sent it and why?” she murmured.
“Not to mention what actually happened to stop the wedding and create that
headline in the first place, I don’t suppose we’ll ever know that now.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Bruce said, holding up
the Gotham Times Vows section to the page reading ‘Sorry,
Bruce, It Wasn’t Meant to Be.’
NEXT:
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